Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
