WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
