I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
