Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
