you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He? As in you personified your dick?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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