when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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