well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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