Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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