This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
