We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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