what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
