I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
