I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
