I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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