I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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