uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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