Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
