What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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