At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You pole danced in your parka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
