I just saw a hot homeless man
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
