You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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