How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
