So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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