ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
