hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just invented taco cereal.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
