Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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