she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
