Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
