i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
