sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
