I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
