this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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