If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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