sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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