Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am naked and annoyed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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