i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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