I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
