Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
