i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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