we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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