i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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