His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
