dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
