So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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