i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
