why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
