You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
