I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
