I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
