im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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