this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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