How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
