I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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