my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize