At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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