I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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