So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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