Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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