I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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