I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
