o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
