i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
