You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize