i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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