Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
