we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
